Thursday - Good news for people who love bad news
Drinking.
Have another glass, another bottle, another sip, another shot, and another $50 barkeep.
Glad to keep you in business, at least something positive comes out of it for someone this way.
I’m so sick of… youth.
Which may appear to be strange as I am a part of them for the next 4 years at least.
Does youth stop where wrinkles begin?
In that case I may be youth for some time yet, 6 years at least.
I was enjoying drinking for a good month, going to a bar, picking up, and being young and stupid. This is something bizarre for me to begin with, but it came to climax in the last 24 hours.
I made the odd decision to go and catch up with my ex girlfriend. A rather inept idea to begin with, this was followed by my room mate conveniently calling me and telling me to meet him further up the road at ‘our’ bar.
I went here for only an hour before I realised why I don’t like these places, I went back to my ex girlfriend’s house, rather intoxicated. And like the fool I’ve become in the last few weeks due to constant drinking I told her I missed her and I wasn’t sure it was as good an idea as it once seemed.
I then became rather uncomfortable and asked her to drive me home, which she agreed to (after suggesting I stay at her house, which I refused to my discomfort).
I came home and slept.
What is wrong with this picture?
It took me over 2 weeks, 14-20 days to remember that I don’t have fun in bars and yet I had been going to them constantly.
Am I becoming an idiot?
Am I subconsciously ignoring something I used to be in touch with?
Or, is this something that I fear more, was I subconsciously ignoring something preceding this love of the ‘youth scene’ and this ignorance has hit me again?
The latter seems improbable.
I don’t know where I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going?
I feel so vacant, no goal aside from attend university next year (and the others) and get my masters or a PHD in Psychology.
It almost seems the greatest irony when I’m beginning to question my own sanity…
I can’t stand this world. I love music, books and anyone that I can share an idea with, someone with similarities to myself.
It’s so difficult finding anything in common with anyone, because I get an adrenaline fuelled shock when I find someone that likes more than 3 bands or books that I ask them about (and they actually DO know them, not ‘heard of them’ or ‘a friend has read/listened).
It’s so hard to find anything.
I’m sick of different people, they’re all the same.
Nothing is normal,
Nothing feels worth a fight,
Not because I can’t be bothered,
But, because we are all dead already,
Maybe I should stop seeing the broader picture because 9 times out of 10 it results in death of all living things. Religious aside.
I’d like to make the most of this.
I’d like to write some lyrics, I’d like to push some ideas through some music.
The way my favourite bands do.
Even just to push parts of my life through some music, the way that some bands do, that take away the really unnecessary clichés, the extended/useless metaphors, occasionally throw in a metaphor or simile but keep an idea. A song for the people that will be easily related to, something raw, something real, but something different.
One day, I’ll keep playing some guitar, keep writing these pointless blogs, pulling bits and pieces in to my lyrics, there’s bound to be something in a jumble of vowels and syllables.
Yours,
Pura