Today was my first day in my new job.

Do I enjoy it?

Yeah, I sort of do.

Is it over?

No, I have to be back at 5:30PM for the dinner rush.

I had to kill some time so I visited my old internet haunts.

I came to the conclusion that growing up in the country is the greatest thing in the world, no matter how much you don’t appreciate it, this is mainly due to the fact that my old haunts were my friends blogs and their myspaz pages, which had me remember the days that were so few years ago, but the greatest I could imagine.

Unfortunately, they had for the most part left tBlog in the midst of the HSC, as I once had

All that’s left is the stories of teen angst and the tales of a youth gone crazy.

I really miss those days; at the time I isolated myself, trying to escape the events that would make you the talk of our very small town. Yet, with my friends, something was always a drama, something was wrong, nothing was right.

Looking back, it was really chaos perfected. Compared to the charred remains of my friends that I see now. Twisted, immoral, stupid and ill prepared for what they are calling their adulthood, they put on masks of pride at how fast they have grown up. But they have lost sight of what is important, replacing it with alcohol, cigarettes, one night stands and sleeping with each others spouse.

I could never be like my friends, and for that I can be proud. It pains me to watch what they do to themselves and it pains me to think that maybe I’ll never get my friends back. I’m not stupid enough to live in the past, but I am however dull enough to believe that there is a hope for the old days.

norbetx.tblog.com/

lishmo.tblog.com/

unsigned.tblog.com/

skimo6.tblog.com/

dulie.tblog.com/

davohead.tblog.com/

oneeyedman.tblog.com/

honeycomb.tblog.com/

They stand like headstones for those who wrote in them.

I miss my beautiful friends.

Yours,

Pura

I find myself, day in day out, deciding what it is that makes me feel human.

In the last month I’ve found myself in so many situations that could have led me down a dark path, yet, every time I am in such a confrontation I back out, I think of where this path leads, every in and out.

The statement that will always haunt me comes at the peak of each identical decision.

“This will make me like them, so, no.”

Who are ‘them’?

I find myself asking this question when I can sit and think, “who are these people that I despise?”

Are these the people that spend 2 hours getting ready to sit in a bar and drink to the point that they are so obnoxiously obvious in their vanity?

Are these the people that like sports, pop music, television and shopping?

Are these the people that wake up to go to their jobs, to live for the weekend and honk at pretty girls?

The answer is seems isn’t quite as clear as I had hoped it would be. Had I hoped for an easy answer?

Had I hoped I would be different?

Do I despise them because I am scared to become one of ‘them’?

I’m full of questions but only a few answers.

I search books for something will inspire me to keep moving forward, to be the change, to encapsulate divinity, to be above this.

Nietzsche had it right, his theory of the soul, the camel, the lion and the child (“Thus Spoke Zarathustra”). Perhaps I am on the brink of diving, I don’t feel like the camel, or perhaps moving to the state of lion.

I speak my mind, I try to make my days last longer but I am still stuck in the sleep. In a society that lulls us in to submission by making us feel inadequate unless of a certain social status. In pushing forward in this society, we work harder and then we sleep. Stuck in a zombified state we seem to move in order, like a well-oiled machine.

The origins of society are long dead as far as I can see now, once I know the ‘well-oiled machine’ was a positive and joyous device to be apart of. At some point, surely we were happy to work long hours for survival.

But now, it’s dead, we work for creature comforts and as we acquire them, more are made, consumerism has taken hold long before my day and I think this is towards the root of the problem I am having with my age brackets hobbies.

Society is in ruins, we once worked with machines as a collective, to survive, now it seems we survive only to work machines, told to be competitive, out do each other in social status (which again has mutated over time with consumerism creating an even more fearsome beast), we are but pawns to our own greed. This is my view of the human condition.

Of course, I have fun, I am lucky enough to be able to turn off my pessimism occasionally.

Not pessimism, no I wouldn’t call it that, I believe it’s a realistic and objective point of view as to what our idea of society is in comparison to our predecessors.

It’s a shame that alcohol is legal; an easily taxable device used primarily by unsuspecting youth to lower brain cell counts, impair inhibitions and most importantly to our overseers, prepare us for our modern day world. It’s a shame that even I use alcohol to forget the boredom of modern day existence, I see it as a survival method, a way to cope with my own selfish ideas, unfortunately it has at times pushed to the surface more uncouth behaviour in myself that I would otherwise render as useless worries.

So what to do, what to do?

I feel the urge to change something, to initiate the change, bring forth the new world, Where televisions are turned off, un-invented.

Where magazines are replaced with books.

Where alcohol is available but made a redundant product.

Where consumerism is only a word, not a way of life.

Where guns are redundant and said war costs are spent on the poor, the hungry, the sick, the elderly, the disabled.

There is no chance however, for the fellow man would be lost with the loss of such things, unfortunately, I will never be able to drink enough to know that there is no turning back now.

So drunk on our power, our withdrawals would be catastrophic, our initial reaction would be one of utter disgust. Freedom of speech is just that, our modern day world has already dismantled our ears.

Surely man is but a cocoon for what beauty is to come.

I won’t give up on man yet, but I will try my best not to embrace it.

In such a world I see, hope and love are the only things we can cling to.

Yours,

Pura